Once in a while, I will browse through my old posts and relive my thoughts, and smile or cringe on what was once written by yours truly. Most of them I smile and laugh at myself, some gives me a boost and sense of accomplishment, and all sorts of emotions in between. One particular piece gives me all of the above.
I'm talking about this post where I ranted about feeling stuck. If you have the time, read it and you'll know what I'll be blabbing about in 3.. 2.. 1.
*photos totally unrelated to the post. just some tiny house eye candy courtesy of my instagram. Haha
I can't believe that at that time in May 2014, having our own house was nothing but just a dream. An imaginary scenario that I've been longing for. We already had plans then but nothing too concrete, but we did it! A few months after writing that, we started on renovating/building the tiny house. And a year later, we were officially in. I love love our house. We host a lot of family and friends! Most of our inuman with friends are held here. I love hanging out here every night doing anything or doing nothing. But this place is far from done. After living here for two years, the only place that could be considered "done" is the third floor living / dining area. And I'm planning a whole lot of change to it. That is a story for another post.
The point of this is three years after the fact, and while this house is now a reality, I still have the same feeling of being stuck. At this point I'm guessing it's me that is the problem. Haha...
You see, I laid low with design projects the past few years. I still have them one at a time but not as much as before. There was one time I have 7 simultaneously. Crazy. It's just that with building the tiny house, then planning the wedding, and then the restaurant right after, there's a lot that went on one after the other. Looking at my "list" from that post, nothing much has changed and it's making me frustrated with myself. Three long years and I'm still here.
Let me copy that list, and I'll give you a narrative of my thoughts (and the ridiculousness of this all) now three years later.
I honestly don't know the point of this post. I guess it's just that after all those years, the feeling of being stuck is still here. Before, it was because we're waiting on a house and can't move forward with whatever I think I wanted at that time. Now that we have a house, it's the fact that we still have a lot of things to do in this house and that one big thing called running a demanding business. Also, we spent most of our savings on the house / wedding / business. But the thing is, there will always be something that might "stop" you from doing whatever you want and that is just called life. I know that I can't let those things hinder me, but I'm wired to be hindered. Haha.. No really, my mind is weirdly wired that when I'm focused on one thing, it's hard for me to focus on another thing. I'm slowly learning on how to do all things at once efficiently.
I'm talking about this post where I ranted about feeling stuck. If you have the time, read it and you'll know what I'll be blabbing about in 3.. 2.. 1.
*photos totally unrelated to the post. just some tiny house eye candy courtesy of my instagram. Haha
I can't believe that at that time in May 2014, having our own house was nothing but just a dream. An imaginary scenario that I've been longing for. We already had plans then but nothing too concrete, but we did it! A few months after writing that, we started on renovating/building the tiny house. And a year later, we were officially in. I love love our house. We host a lot of family and friends! Most of our inuman with friends are held here. I love hanging out here every night doing anything or doing nothing. But this place is far from done. After living here for two years, the only place that could be considered "done" is the third floor living / dining area. And I'm planning a whole lot of change to it. That is a story for another post.
The point of this is three years after the fact, and while this house is now a reality, I still have the same feeling of being stuck. At this point I'm guessing it's me that is the problem. Haha...
You see, I laid low with design projects the past few years. I still have them one at a time but not as much as before. There was one time I have 7 simultaneously. Crazy. It's just that with building the tiny house, then planning the wedding, and then the restaurant right after, there's a lot that went on one after the other. Looking at my "list" from that post, nothing much has changed and it's making me frustrated with myself. Three long years and I'm still here.
Let me copy that list, and I'll give you a narrative of my thoughts (and the ridiculousness of this all) now three years later.
1. Nice comfy room. But I don't wanna spend any more time, effort and money into my existing one, so it's been years of going home to a lousy one.
In our own house now, and our room if far from what I wanted it to be. It has a bed and a closet and that's it. Haha.. It's fine, but it could be a lot better. Difference is instead of spending most of my time in my bedroom (prior to moving here), we now spend it in our living room which I love.
2. Functional workspace. But right now that said workspace is in the lousy room which of course means lousy workspace that is so not conducive to any creativity and totally not inspiring.
Ohh this one is hilarious. You see, for years, I've been dreaming on having a workspace of my own. I even had a "Home Office of the Day" label on this blog. That's how I love to have my own creative space. Now that I have the space for it, our loft office is a junk pile of random stuff. I barely go there. I may still use that loft as a painting studio / indoor garden or something but for day to day work, I find that I want to spend it in our living room together. We just need a small rolling desk that could work with a sofa. :)
3. Assistant. I've been thinking of getting an assistant for a while now which would totally make my life so much easier juggling multiple projects. But hey, where would she work? No way it will work on our current house, so it's me and my lonesome for a while now work-wise.
Because I laid low with work, I haven't thought about having an assistant. Now that I'm at it again, this could be something I can do in the future. My messy mind need some help.
4. Organization. I have so much junk, and I'm itching to purge and pare down. But then again, I'd do that when I move to my imaginary house.
I'm proud to say that I have pared down a lot when I moved here. I let go of 2 balik bayan boxes full of clothes, shoes, and bags before officially moving to the tiny house. After a year here, I pared down another 2 boxes of my random stuff. It's so freeing to purge, but I have a lot more to go in other areas of our home. I'm set to getting rid of all unwanted stuff!
5. Eat healthy / cook. This sounds stupid but let me explain. Our kitchen is quite a problematic space as well, and I share that with a million other people. No place to put my imaginary healthy ingredients. And cockroach. Lots of them. Need I say more? The point is, not inspiring at all.
Nope. Nope. Nothing to say here. We don't cook healthy stuff. Not yet. I've planned on it but not yet happening. I actually bought cauliflower to try the cauliflower rice. Turns out, we don't have a grater and it went to waste since we don't cook much. Now that I bought a grater, we just use it for cheese. Haha
6. Travel. I'd love to travel but we're saving up for a house so it's quite a predicament.
After 3 years, I left the country twice. One is HongKong for a very late honeymoon 2016, and one is the very spontaneous NY/LA trip last Feb. I enjoyed both thoroughly and it's still a dream of mine. I have gone through my 20s with just a few trips and I feel like I'm wasting my 30s for not doing it. I mean you're only young once. I want to go when I'm strong enough to freaking walk around and explore. My dream is to travel maybe 2 months a year. Work for 10 months. Spend everything on that 2 months. Haha..
I honestly don't know the point of this post. I guess it's just that after all those years, the feeling of being stuck is still here. Before, it was because we're waiting on a house and can't move forward with whatever I think I wanted at that time. Now that we have a house, it's the fact that we still have a lot of things to do in this house and that one big thing called running a demanding business. Also, we spent most of our savings on the house / wedding / business. But the thing is, there will always be something that might "stop" you from doing whatever you want and that is just called life. I know that I can't let those things hinder me, but I'm wired to be hindered. Haha.. No really, my mind is weirdly wired that when I'm focused on one thing, it's hard for me to focus on another thing. I'm slowly learning on how to do all things at once efficiently.
I guess rather than a rant, I'm writing this to sort out my thoughts on all these seemingly trivial non-issues that is keeping me from moving forward. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware that I have it easy. I have work that I enjoy and I own my time. Just need to clear my head and plan.
I'm currently accepting more clients and now back in the game (probably not 7 all at once) but it feels great. As for the others, I need to make concrete plans with deadlines or goals, not just a wish or dream. It's hard to focus especially when we are all busy living the day to day mundane stuff, but I'm just in a point that I don't want the years to go by without much thought. Time does fly so quick. It feels like yesterday when I was in high school and let's just say that I'm waaaay past that point in my life.
I once felt regret for not travelling in my 20s, but then I realized that I actually did what I wanted back then. I'm not the type of person who thrives in a 9-5, believe me I tried, it didn't last. I just experimented, worked in whatever job/field I wanted to try, did freelance, did online business, and sometimes bum around. :) Travelling was not on my mind back then since I'm not saving enough, so how can I regret doing what I wanted right? I had fun, I was happy, and that's all anyone could ask for. Now that I have a little more direction, I'll try a different approach. Let's see how this goes. Maybe I'll post again about this in 3 years and say the exact same thing. Haha..
The one thing that I really learned this past year, and actually apply to how I live is, everyone is different. We all want different things in life. There is no definite goal / direction that is suited for everyone. We do not have to live according to what others think is the "right kind of life." We're the only one who knew what is right for us, what we'll make us content and happy. Let us all just strive for that individuality of not giving a f*ck on how others may perceive us as long as we're not doing anyone harm. Lets just all respect each other and go live the best life for us.
Oh my gawd that is some heavy advice from someone who pretends she doesn't care ?! Haha... I'm sorry, it's just all in my head and I'm always baffled when I see people so affected with other people's opinion that they can't fully enjoy themselves. We only live once. I love how I ended one of my old post, so I'll do it again just because I want to. Here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note, don't worry, be happy. :)
I once felt regret for not travelling in my 20s, but then I realized that I actually did what I wanted back then. I'm not the type of person who thrives in a 9-5, believe me I tried, it didn't last. I just experimented, worked in whatever job/field I wanted to try, did freelance, did online business, and sometimes bum around. :) Travelling was not on my mind back then since I'm not saving enough, so how can I regret doing what I wanted right? I had fun, I was happy, and that's all anyone could ask for. Now that I have a little more direction, I'll try a different approach. Let's see how this goes. Maybe I'll post again about this in 3 years and say the exact same thing. Haha..
The one thing that I really learned this past year, and actually apply to how I live is, everyone is different. We all want different things in life. There is no definite goal / direction that is suited for everyone. We do not have to live according to what others think is the "right kind of life." We're the only one who knew what is right for us, what we'll make us content and happy. Let us all just strive for that individuality of not giving a f*ck on how others may perceive us as long as we're not doing anyone harm. Lets just all respect each other and go live the best life for us.
Oh my gawd that is some heavy advice from someone who pretends she doesn't care ?! Haha... I'm sorry, it's just all in my head and I'm always baffled when I see people so affected with other people's opinion that they can't fully enjoy themselves. We only live once. I love how I ended one of my old post, so I'll do it again just because I want to. Here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note, don't worry, be happy. :)
